


conscious & reason

by iamsiriuslyriddikulus



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bottom Bucky, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Explicit Sexual Content, Feels, Light BDSM, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Rough Sex, Sexual Content, Top Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-07 00:35:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6777247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamsiriuslyriddikulus/pseuds/iamsiriuslyriddikulus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spoilers for Captain America: Civil War. Takes place just before the first post-credit scene. Explicit sexual content ahead with light top!Steve and bottom!Bucky untertones.</p>
            </blockquote>





	conscious & reason

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, I just had a lot of feels, and I had to get them all out.

Steve can’t catch Bucky’s eyes. “You don’t have to do this, Buck.”

Bucky’s jaw clenches before he speaks. “I’m a liability. What Zemo did – when he brainwashed me – I knew it would happen again, sooner or later.” He seems to want to say more, but he stops. His head turns, and he looks out the window.

“They won’t be able to do what he did if I’m by your side,” Steve says.

“I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking.”

“I’m not worth it.”

“That’s not for you to decide,” Steve’s voice is firm. He reaches out and lays a hand on Bucky’s arm. Bucky flinches but doesn’t pull away. Steve’s stomach knots, and he takes a deep breath.

“I’m a weapon. I was designed to kill people, and I have.”

“So have I,” Steve says. He thinks about the Sokovian boy that Tony brought up before he had signed the accords and swallows thickly. He has helped save the world more than once, but he knows it hasn’t come without cost.

“That’s not the same. You did it while saving people. I was assigned missions. I took them out, one by one, even Tony’s parents.” The last part of his sentence comes out softer than the rest.

“You didn’t have a choice.”

“But I did it. I still killed them.” His voice strains, and he finally turns his head to look at Steve. “I still remember each one of them. When Zemo said the trigger, there was nothing I could do to stop it. You don’t know what it’s like to know you’re about to lose control – what it’s like to wake up from being under and realize you have killed more people. What if he asked me to kill you?”

“You’ve tried that before. I don’t remember it working out so well for you.” Steve tries his best to make it sound like a joke, but neither of them laugh. Bucky gives Steve a look that is close to pity.

“Until there’s a way for me to be sure that I won’t hurt anyone, I can’t go out there. I just can’t. It may take some time, but –”

“We’ll find a way,” Steve says. He has to believe it. They have come so far. He can’t lose Bucky again, not after all of this. “I’ll make sure we do.”

Bucky shifts his arm and takes Steve’s hand in his. “I know you will. You always were stubborn.” He smiles, and Steve leans in and cups Bucky’s cheek as he kisses him. His throat closes, and his eyes sting.

“I lost Peggy, and I just got you back. I don’t want to lose you again,” Steve says.

“I’m just being frozen.”

“I know, but it’s – it’s not fair, dammit.” Steve’s voice breaks, and he leans their foreheads together.

“I have to.” Bucky weaves their fingers together and runs a thumb across the back of Steve’s hand. “I’m sorry. I can’t –”

Steve kisses him again. He knows that he can’t change Bucky’s mind, and as much as he hates it, he understands. But this time is all they have right now. They haven’t had a moment like this since before World War II -- almost seventy-five years. He doesn’t want to think about when it’ll happen next. Steve reaches up with his free hand and entwines his fingers into Bucky’s hair. Bucky lets out a soft moan against Steve’s lips as he shifts his body. His hand lets go of Steve’s, and he wraps his arm around Steve’s body, pulling them closer.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky says again, this time against Steve’s lips.

Steve moves so that he’s straddling Buck’s lap and tugs Bucky’s hair back as he kisses up Bucky’s jaw to his ear. He nips at the lobe before sucking at a spot right behind it. Bucky moans louder now, and Steve slips a hand under his shirt. He can feel the little notches, the scars on his chest. Who knows what they’re all from – he’s not even sure if Bucky knows. It feels different than it used to. Back then, he was smaller. Back then, he would yell at Bucky to stop being so gentle, to stop treating him like he was fragile.

His hand reaches the nub where his metal arm used to be, and Steve stops. “Does it hurt?”

“No,” Bucky says. His voice is light and breathy. “It feels strange, but it’s not bad.”

Steven nods and runs his fingers over it before moving to Bucky’s back. Bucky arches forward, and Steve digs his nails into his skin. “Don’t do this,” he asks between kisses to Bucky’s neck. “There has to be another way.”

“There isn’t.” Bucky’s eyes shut, and his head falls back. With each kiss, his breathing gets heavier and uneven. When Steve rolls their hips together, he can feel Bucky hard against his inner thigh. As Steve nips and sucks at a spot on Bucky’s neck, Bucky’s fingers tighten around his waist. He whines and jerks his hips up. “Stevie, please.”

Steve pulls back breathless and admires the mark he’s left on Bucky’s neck just for a moment – angry and red. He wonders how fast it’ll fade. “What?”

“Let me…” His eyes drop down, and he pulls his arm back before reaching for the zipper of Steve’s pants. Even though he doesn’t finish his sentence, Steve knows what he wants. He stands up and steps back. Without missing a beat, Bucky moves forward and drops to his knees. He reaches out again to undo the zipper and button of Steve’s pants. It takes him a moment with just one arm, and Steve helps Bucky as he tugs both his pants and boxer-briefs down in one go.

“Fuck,” Steve hisses as he watches Bucky wet his lips and stare. He knows that he looks different than what Bucky is used to. But Bucky smirks.

“You only ever had a mouth like that when I was down on my knees,” Bucky says. Steve chuckles and places a hand on the back of Bucky’s head. “You were just as impatient then too.” Bucky wastes no time before wrapping his lips around Steve’s cock. His tongue runs over the head before he makes his way down slowly, hollowing out his cheeks. Steve moans, and his fingers tighten around Bucky’s hair. The pleasure coils in his stomach, and he waits until Bucky has picked up a rhythm before thrusting forward. He has to be gentle. Even with Bucky holding onto him with one arm, it is awkward for him to try to balance.

It doesn’t take long before he can feel the pressure build. His entire body feels tense, and he thrusts his hips in short, shallow thrusts. Bucky can always tell when he’s close and speeds up. His tongue presses against the underside of Steve’s cock, and he hums low in the back of his throat as Steve fucks his mouth.

Steve’s breath catches in his throat as he comes, riding it until he can’t any longer. When he pulls back, Bucky runs his tongue one last time over the slit of his cock, and Steve whines. It is oversensitive.

They say nothing for a moment, and Steve pulls him up, kissing him roughly. He can taste his come on Bucky’s lips, but he doesn’t mind. He nips at Bucky’s lower lip and eases his lips apart. When Bucky’s hand moves to the back of Steve’s neck, Steve reaches down to the waistband of Bucky’s pants.

It doesn’t take long to get Bucky undressed either. He hates that they don’t have a bed. He wants to take this nice and slow, but they don’t have the time.

He pulls out from under Bucky’s arm, and before Bucky can protest, he turns him around and bends him over the chair. It takes him a moment to grab his pants from the ground and reach into his wallet for a condom and an individual packet of lube. He tears the lube packet open and squeezes some onto his fingers. He starts with one and works it in and out gently. When Bucky starts pressing back against him, he asks, “Another?”

Bucky nods, and Steve adds another finger. And then a third after another minute. He curls them as he starts to work harder. His other hand reaches down, and he strokes Bucky’s cock in time with his thrusts before running his thumb along Bucky’s perineum.

Bucky’s back arches, and he lets out a whimper. “Fuck me. Fuck me _please_.”

The words are all Steve needs to hear before he pulls his fingers out. He reaches to Bucky’s shoulder and turns him around. They take a few steps backwards and over until Steve has him up against a wall, and Steve opens the package with his teeth and slips the condom on. Bucky wraps his arm around Steve as Steve lifts him up. As Steve presses in, Bucky’s legs curl around him, and he moans. His head falls into the crook of Steve’s neck, and he bites down gently.

Steve does not wait this time before pulling out and rocking back in. He keeps one arm wrapped around Bucky and steadies the other against the wall as he fucks him. Bucky whines and looks up. Their eyes meet, and Steve’s throat closes again as he sees the tears in Bucky’s eyes. He slows down, but Bucky shakes his head.

“Don’t stop. No, don’t stop. Please, Stevie…” He pushes his hips down, and Steve presses their lips together as he changes his angle slightly and continues. It is rough and needy and unlike anything they have had before. He has never been able to pick Bucky up like this. It was always Bucky looking after him, taking care of him.

“Mine,” Steve says against Bucky’s lips before deepening the kiss. He can feel the pleasure build again, and when he pulls back, he looks down to see Bucky’s cock hard against his stomach. Steve wraps his arms around him. “Hold on,” he says as he steps back. A couch is only a few paces away, and he moves them over there. When he leans over Bucky and thrusts in again, Bucky lets out a loud moan, and Steve knows this is a better angle. He uses his free hand to grab Bucky’s cock and strokes it in time with his thrusts as best as he can.

“Close,” Bucky says after another minute.

“Wait.” Steve leans in until his lips are pressed against Bucky’s ear. “Don’t come until I tell you to.” Bucky lets out a whine but nods nonetheless. Steve sucks on the skin behind Bucky’s ear, knowing he’ll leave another hickey. He makes his way down to Bucky’s collar before pulling back. Only when Bucky’s body shakes with the effort to hold back does Steve whisper, “Come for me.”

Bucky comes on both of them and rocks his hips up, taking Steve deeper. It only takes Steve a few more thrusts before he comes too.

They lay there for a moment, and Steve shifts so that their foreheads lean together. He feels sticky and hot, and for a moment he can forget about what’s ahead – what’s going to happen when they leave this room. But the moment doesn’t last long.

Steve pulls out with a groan and frowns. He flips them over until Bucky is on top. The couch feels absurdly small for the both of them. He’s sure it would have been fine seventy-five years ago, but now… He sighs, and Bucky nuzzles in against him. Steve cards his fingers absentmindedly through Bucky’s hair as he stares up at the ceiling. Bucky’s head is heavy, warm, and familiar against his chest like this. “I won’t be the same,” Bucky says.

“Hm?” Steve asks.

“Even if T’Challa finds a way to… fix me, it’s never going to go back to how it was. It can’t.”

“I know, but we can still try.”

Bucky doesn’t respond.


End file.
